


even when I doubt you

by babyboyblues



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurryface, Canon, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 03:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4248405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyboyblues/pseuds/babyboyblues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler thinks a lot, Josh knows things. They balance out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	even when I doubt you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meandfrankhavebabies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meandfrankhavebabies/gifts).



> the writing of blurryface. or, see how many blurryface references you can find in this drabble. (implied relationship/feelings for each other. might continue this, even though I don’t really know exactly what it is. it’s almost 4 am I’m so head over heels for these boys)

“And how does this feel?” Josh says, holding Tyler’s throat, and his entire life, tight in his hands- not tight enough to hurt or take it away though, but he knows Tyler trusts him not to do either, anyway.

“Err, threatening? Kind of feels like you’re about to catch my breath, actually,” Tyler chuckles- well, as much as he can, with Josh’s hands still around his neck, experimentally tightening and releasing his hands.  
  
“Well, that’s kind of the point,” Josh smiles and releases his grip entirely. Tyler’s hands reflexively wrap around his own neck, but nothing hurts. He voices this thought to Josh in a curious and confused tone. “Dude, Tyler, I know it’s hard sometimes, but I’m not going to choke you to death, trust me.”  
  
“Fair enough,” Tyler says but his hands still wander around his throat, tracing warm skin that Josh could have easily turned to a red, cold mess just seconds ago. He doesn’t voice this thought to Josh, but he does wrap his hands around Josh. His own skin still feels warm, but nothing’s warmer than the feeling he gets when Josh returns the gesture. “Sorry, I know I’m emotional, but that just felt very... personal, you know?”  
  
“I understand,” is all that Josh says, and after both of them retreat from the embrace (and neither admits how much they didn’t want to let go), he stays silent because he knows Tyler’s trying to find his words in the magnificent mess that is his mind.  
  
“That’s how I feel on stage sometimes, you know?” Josh doesn’t, because Josh has no idea what Tyler’s talking about yet, but he waits- he’s learned that, with Tyler, you don’t have to ask for explanations, he’ll give you an elaborate one anyway. _So used to not being understood, that boy,_ Josh thinks before he can see more thoughts forming on Tyler’s tongue, and then finally hear them when he opens his mouth again. “Like I’m being suffocated? Not always, of course, you know I love live shows, and I love creating things and sharing them- but insecurity is, um-”

“A bitch?” Josh offers, smiling warmly at Tyler’s inability to form coherent thoughts. For such an eloquent man with a vocabulary that most of the time leaves Josh either confused or looking up words in secret, he’s shit at handling words.  
  
“-Hard to handle.” Tyler returns the smile. “But that’s what it is to me, insecurity- a feeling, a sensation of being suffocated. It sounds weird, but…” He trails off and shrugs and Josh understands, as he always does.  
  
He understands, and that’s why he opens his arms and lets Tyler crawl into his embrace, and pretends he can’t feel how Tyler seems to be trying to crawl away from something; and not towards him. So he chases off the bad thoughts by running his fingers through Tyler’s hair, and Tyler eases Josh’s worries by putting his head on his shoulder and smiling a small smile.  
  
Tyler smiles, Josh understands, and it works. They work.  
  
+  
  
“Because, the songs on the radio are okay, but what we do- I want it to be different. But I’m in constant confrontation with what I want and what everyone seems to expect of us, or want, or demand, or need. What if it’s not what the fans expected? What if it’s too dark, too far this time?” Tyler paces around and spills his thoughts all over the back room of their tour bus. Josh trails behind him and picks all his thoughts up and sorts through them, and makes sense of them, until he knows what to say.

“Tyler, can you listen to me for a second?” Tyler stops upon hearing his voice, but he doesn’t turn around. ”This, us, Twenty One Pilots- we’re not what people expect, okay? We never were, and that’s what the fans, the clique, love about us. If it wasn’t for this, for our music and our fans, our live shows and you, I don’t know how I would have fought this.” And Tyler can’t see Josh, but he swears he feels the thick air move when Josh points to his own head. “We’ll be fine, as soon as you sit your ass down and start writing, okay? It’s no use to anyone if you’re just going to pace around and let all those clever thoughts escape just because you’re afraid, because fear leads to anxiety, and we don’t want that, right?”

So Tyler sits down, and Josh waits. And they write, and Tyler falls off the couch a few times, and Josh taps a beat on Tyler’s thigh when the words trigger a rhythm in his head. _Even when I doubt you, I’m no good without you._ Josh has a way of recognizing when the ink on the paper is about him, but he doesn’t say a thing to Tyler, just lets him guide his pen to save himself from his own head.  
  
+  
  
“Is this about Jenna?” Josh says after Tyler is done reciting what would sounds like a poem if it wasn’t so disconnected and chopped- but he knows that tonight, when Tyler is dreaming, all the words will line up perfectly and by the time he wakes up (3AM), all he’ll have is a melody, a hunch and Josh’s phone number on speed dial.  
  
“Hmm,” Tyler responds, and Josh understands, even when he’s miles away, so he waits. “Well, most of the time. Sometimes it’s about you. Is that weird? I think it’s less about someone, and more for someone. Or to someone, you know?” Tyler stops, but expects no response- he knows that Josh knows. He doesn’t hang up- he never does.

Josh slips into a dream-like state filled with soft breathing and melodic sounds of just the right piano keys, trying to remember the notes that Tyler is sure to not remember tomorrow because he knows the difference between when Tyler is playing music, and when he’s playing music _for Josh_.

And when Josh wakes up again, his phone says 03:43:12, and he doesn’t want to think about how that means Tyler’s been sitting by his piano for three hours, forty three minutes and twelve seconds, and instead he silences what seem to be all the wrong notes by pressing a button on his phone.  
  
When he lays his head back and hears the vibrations the phone makes against the wood of his bedside table, he doesn’t need to look at his phone to know what the message will say.  
  
ty 1:16  
_thank you_

  
+  
  
ty 3:01  
_you are out of my mind_

joshua 3:02  
_call me_

ty 3:02  
_I’m making noise_

joshua 3:03  
_not today_

  
_Outgoing call (01:32:24)_

joshua 4:35  
_I’m no good without you_


End file.
